Telecommute Jobs

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Perverted Policeman Forces Topless Teen Jumping Jacks

Sounds like one of the SPAM messages I get! The cop in this article was fired for forcing a sixteen year old girl to do jumping jacks while topless.

Come on. That is something you see out of Porky's movie!

She won a $35,000 settlement and the cop was fired.

Google Ads Gripe

Okay, I have a gripe about the Google ads. Nowhere do I have anything about volunteering on this page and my Google ads are set to work on the posts. I never see anything related to the posts I have.

Anyone with Google experience want to enlighten me as to what I'm doing wrong? Maybe I need to wait a few weeks before the change I made takes place? That sure is a long time!

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Naked Harry Potter Fever

Did the world get naked Harry Potter fever? This guy, this his long hair and beard, is a great candidate for Hogwart's! He was arrest for running through the school naked. Apparently he put grape seed oil all over his body so he couldn't be caught.

Are we heading back into the 60s?

So they arrested him. LOL What a way to ruin your academic record. Of course, with all the rumors about naked Ivy League student parties, who cares!?!

Harry Potter Nude? Naked? Nada?

Art or not, after watching all the movies I find this rather ill for me. I don't have a problem with nakedness in art as long as the people aren't blatantly having sex in front of me. I do find it gross that my children grew up watching the movies and they just might see this on the news.

A six-year old doesn't understand why Harry Potter is naked on the news! That is what will happen. "Mommy? Why is Harry Potter naked with that woman?" I'm sure he would ask and then laugh.

Actors can do what they want, I don't really care. I do find it revolting when someone is still a child icon goes out and does something irresponsible though. It's not exactly like allowing your children to idolize Brittney Spears, Paris Hilton, or Lindsay Lohan--no, not at all. It is kind of scary that your own children might try to do the same thing and not understand that he's doing it for a different purpose. Most kids just won't get it.

Soon we'll find little elementary school children standing naked in front of horses and each other stating, "But mom, I learned it at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

Well, who could blame them for saying so? There is a magical looking white horse and a long, blonde haired damsel in not-so-distress, perhaps disdressed instead. Their favorite actor is on the screen with these creatures and in his birthday suit which is what many religions claim that wiccans do, although I have yet to receive proof that it happens all the time.

Personally? I like to see men who are my age so this will do nothing for me. I have no desire to see all the pictures because...ew...he's seventeen and on a kid's show.

Hey wait, since he's 17 is what he doing even legal??

flatulent pork chop

Okay! That was a notable SPAM subject in my email this morning. Let's think about the flatulent pork chop. Can a pork chop really fart? Are they just saying that I'm fat and have gas? Did this make me look? No, I knew it was SPAM by the stupidity of the subject line. Did it make me buy? No. Spammers are all morons.

Want to Dittle With My Tittle?

What? An accent or the dot on top of the letter i is called a tittle. Why on Earth would anyone call this a tittle? Does it look like a mini nipple or something? The little dot to front of a breast?

According to it is either that or “the tiniest bit; an iota.”

A man who likes small women doesn’t say “Look at those big tits” he says “Look at those tittles!”

Speaking of the word "tits"--I was always told that it was a bad word. If I had said it growing up my mother would have had a cow! The school systems would have screamed at me. It was such a scandalous word that gang members or horny males would write "XYZ has big tits" or "I love big tits" on the wall nearest you. That was in California.

I was amazed and shocked when I heard a school teacher say the work out here in the frozen tundra of Wisconsin. Apparently it is an OK work to say because it means the teats of a cow. I had no clue, I always thought those were teats.

I guess we should all just be careful what we say and where.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Movie Review: Wah Wah

I usually do not like this type of movie, but since the most gorgeous actor in the world was starring, I thought I'd give it a chance. Yes, if I had met Gabrial Byrne on the street, even if not knowing who he was, I'd give him a second look, a third, and a fourth. He's also an incredible actor.

Wah Wah was straight to the heart. It made me laugh, cry, and get angry. I'm embarrassed to say that yes, some of my relatives probably acted so snooty back then. Apparently we're mutts from some royalty, at least that is what the lineage says.

I was real nervous in the middle of the movie. I was hoping he wasn't going to turn out to be some jerk and to my relief he didn't. Having been through a childhood divorce and now with my dad very ill, it struck a nerve which is probably why I did enjoy the movie.

Oh, and "American" just made the movie. She was hilarious and real.

Highly recommended and bring a box of Kleenex. Byrne - don't do that to me again, I really hate to see you die in movies.

Aren't Kids Silly? - Tampons

My six year old son has the strangest ideas. He was climbing through the closet today and he yells, “Mom, I’ve got your tampons.”

Now I’ve been through this before with the other two so it wasn’t such a shock this time. I just told him to put it back. Instead of listening to me he jumps down from the counter and runs into my office yelling, “What do you do with these tampons.”

I gave him the basic info. “A woman needs that when she’s not going to have a baby.”

End of story.


He gets this wicked smile and tells me, “I know. You paste it to your wiener when you’re not going to have a baby.”

Good grief. He’s six so I can’t go into too much detail so after telling him that he will know when he's older I also tell him, “It’s what men in sports games put in their noses after the ball hits them and it starts to bleed.”

Think he believed that one? Not really, but it helped end the conversation--for now.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Two Inches of Dog Poop

That is totally gross! These people lived in two inches of animal poop. Now, I thought my kids were messy. Okay, I know they are. I thought we had it bad with the trail of paper on the floor, the not picking up the messes or ever helping me sweep. I always thought "oh gross, these kids are so messy!" and then I read this tidbit today.

They had a combination of 66 dogs, cats, and puppies inside one little house. I have a hard enough time spending time with one cat! How can you give love to 66 animals unless they're livestock outside and you pat one on the nose once in awhile?

I have three kids and when I get mad at one I go through the list of names before I get to the right one. It's an inherited thing. So can you imagine the horror for me? "Muffy, Trana, Buffy, Spike, Luke, Lucky, Jake, John, Peter, Ranga, I mean Tara." Yikes! I would go nuts or die from the lack of air before I finished.

The place had no running water and two inches of animal poop on the floor. Ewwwww. They say the animals were well fed. What'd they do? Eat each other? I guess that's why they couldn't afford their running water I'm assuming, because of feeding the animals.

Maybe they should have started a dog poop in the mail get mad at your buddy business instead. They could have at least paid their water bill.

Jobs in My Area

There are none. Nope, nada, nothing, zilch. There are no jobs here. I looked in the Sunday paper where there should be gazoodles of jobs and the last one added was January 3, 2007. Now, either their online version of the paper is messed up or there are just no jobs to speak of.

We used to be a flourishing community. At least I think so, this was before I came here. There were quite a few chip makers and high tech companies. Now with the changes from our state government, they've all left and gone to California.

Please don't tell me the job market in California is worse. It's not. The jobs in California pay decent money. Here, you can't even get minimum wage if you work as a waitress because they think your tips will cover it. Huh? How are the tips supposed to cover it when your average worker only makes minimum wage?

No, I'm not a waitress. I used to be in high tech and then I moved here. I moved here for a high tech job from a guy who promised the world then skipped out on everyone. I won't mention any names. Since then all the high tech jobs are gone and I'm ready to high tail it back to California.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Movie Review: My Super Ex-Girlfriend

Hated it. It was kind of funny, but it was a total guy's T&A type movie. Luke Wilson will always be adorable. I can't imagine Uma Thurman playing such a dimwit in a movie, but let's be honest here, it wasn't her typical role. I really like Uma and this just wasn't her.

I guess if you're excited by tacky sex scenes then you might enjoy it. I found the movie a little over the top. Perhaps that's the point.

Movie Review: The Net 2.0

Tonight I watched The Net 2.0. Did I enjoy it? Not really.

With the exception of the major mistake in TCP/IP numbers on the original version of The Net with Sandra Bullock, I thought the movie was fun and exciting. Sandra Bullock is certainly not flighty and the movie was unique.

The Net 2.0 wasn't anything like the original. There were no exact details on how the woman's information changed. The plot was kind of corny and she wasn't the geeky type at all. The big screen with all the magical security holes was pretty tacky.

Probably the tackiest part of the whole show was the mistake in the point of view. The whole time "Hope" is telling the story. The big mistake made by the director was allowing the conversation between the security guards in the office. As Hope was telling the story to the so-called doctor, how was she to know these men were having a conversation? I was very surprised to see that mistake.

I give it a D on my movie report card. It certainly wasn't what I expected after watching the original movie "The Net."

Movie Review: Final Destination 3

I finally watched Final Destination 3. Did I enjoy the movie? Not really. They're all the same with the same issues and all the good guys dying in the end. I'm not even sure why I continue on with the movie anymore.

Sure, the blood and guts are fine, but I think it's real depressing and kind of humorous to find the characters you learn to like end up dying in the end. I mean, in the first one we all could learn to not like the guy who won the lottery and became somewhat of a bum, but the girl should have survived in the second one. Then in the third one we all expected them to die in the end.

Of course, we'll never know what this evil is that chases the psychic kids around because they want to continue on writing the darn movie.

Give it up already. It's old, okay? Throw in some surprises and make us cheer for more. Please.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Storm Worm Hits Windows Machines Again

It looks like Worms for Windows are at it again. This time it's StormWorm which is not a newbie on the worm list.

This one was spread by hackers with the email subject "230 dead as storm batters Europe." My question is - has anyone ever wondered if it's not hackers maliciously just sending these types of things out to random people, but what if there is something out there triggering with subject lines?

For example, take a look at all the recent SPAM. For awhile they were just throwing together words. Now they're using something to determine what people either read on the news or these jerks are getting very specific with my news and using things that I might read. Fortunately for me, I have a SPAM blocker that blocks their pathetic attempts to send me a virus because they're always spoofing their emails. How do they know I read the news or is it just a wild guess that everyone does?

Perhaps viruses and hackers are using the same methods. A big storm hits Europe - a virus called Storm Worm with a very specific subject line attacks email addresses all over the world.


I also like to mention that it's not affecting me because of my virus blocker, my SPAM blocker, and because the virus is not compatible with my Macintosh OSX computer. You should do the same.

Find out more about Storm Watch

Go buy a Mac.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Chimpanzees are Better Housekeepers Than I Am

If you look at my house you'll wonder what kind of storm came through and blasted everything away. There's laundry everywhere, toys to step on and pick up, dishes splayed across the kitchen sink and counter, and piles of paperwork to do. The kids don't help and I can't afford to hire anyone so it gets cleans as I can do it.

Now, I have a cat who likes to laze around, yawn, eat, poop, and sleep. Sometimes he gives us the pleasure of petting him, but usually he's a grumpy old man who'd rather go get laid and chase mice outside. Does he clean the fridge or scrub the toilet? No. Heck, I'm lucky if he pushes the litter over his poop in the litter box!

This chimp escaped then came back to scrub the toilet and clean the fridge. They say she was a house pet before coming to the zoo so she probably was familiar with the routine. A chimp? She cleans better that my kids!

Ms Chimp, please come and clean my house!

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Toss Up: The Ass Man and The Panda Who Couldn't

Well, normally I report on only one story per day now, but I couldn't decide which one I liked better: The panda who is too fat for sex or the butt naked bandit. Hmmm...The art dealer who sued a homeless man for $3,000,000 (yes, THREE MILLION) is interesting, too.

Can you sue a homeless man for three million dollars? This art dealer seems to think so. Seriously, what is the point? I bet it's just for attention. He should have not wasted his time and money on a homeless man, but instead should have sued the city or county who allowed the man to roam or live near his place. But, who am I to understand his problem? I'm only a lowly publisher. I think he just wanted publicity.

This drunk guy, Christopher Willever, decided to rob Tobacco Hut. He was so drunk that he didn't even notice his pants falling down. I wonder who will be the first bidder on the porn video of the naked robber? Nothing sexual was done, but it'd make a killing on ass movies.

He only has to pay the store $1,000. Maybe they should sue him for sexual harassment.

This panda bear, Chuang Chuang, is too fat for sex. His mate is simply not interested in sex with him any longer.

Obviously they're having problems mating and have always had problems. Now how do they know that she isn't interested because of his weight? Maybe he's just no good in bed.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Give the Gift of Love: Human Poop

I read a ton of stories every morning just to bring my favorite and wackiest article of the day. Today I read about banks getting robbed twice, lawyers accused of sexual misconduct, even UFOs and other fun things that I might normally report.

Today we're going down a different and more scary route. Now, I've never been a fan of Ozzy Osbourne. I did like the show a little bit because it was just a little offbeat. The music I could do without and I'm just not into biting heads off of bats.

What is even more strange than biting heads off of bats is what Kelly Osbourne claims her mother used make her do! Sharon Osbourne used to make the kids poop in a box so she could send it to journalists that angered her.

That is so gross. What do you say to your kid? "Here little sweetheart. Don't poop in the toilet today because mommy's going to send a special package to a friend in the paparazzi. Make sure it's nice and messy!"

EWWWWWW. Is that even legal?

Kid poop in a box here.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Late news today

Everything is going to be late. Just when I thought I was going to escape the white slush this year we were dumped on last night. There's about 9" out there. I know it's not much to some of you die-hards, but I can't stand it. I've been shoveling for an hour. Then, to my horror, the moronic plow guy had dumped his light pile in front of my driveway.

Um... HELLO! Thank God I don't have to be anywhere before 9:30 this morning!

The good thing is that we live on a busy street and my 9:30 meeting is on another busy street--it's almost a straight shot. So you won't find me stuck in a ditch somewhere.

Anyway, off to shovel again. I wanted to snap a picture for you, but the camera is out of batteries. :-(

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Ladies - Have you checked your lingerie drawer lately

Go now! Check to make sure no one has stolen your bras from your lingerie drawer! Joseph Edward Reaves was caught stealing women's underwear and bras from a clothesline last December. He admitted to the crime and replaced the items as a Christmas present.

I hope he went to some place like Victoria's Secret to buy those replacements!

Bra stealing man here.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Scallywags to Buy and Island to Create Own Laws

This is really annoying. Remember the big music pirate company that was shut down because it was STEALING music? These pirates, or scallywags, The Pirate Bay, want to buy their own island so they can buy their own international copyright laws.

Jerks. I hope they do buy their island and everyone realizes what immoral scum these people are and then they lose so much money that they have to sell their island for way less than they bought it for and they never get money again.

Hey people - not all musicians, artists, authors, and record companies are rich so you're just stealing from rich and poor. Not all people who work for these people have money. When you steal music and such you're stealing from the whole company which means the secretaries, the mail crew, the janitors, and others who are notable for not having great salaries.

Go get a life and stop stealing music.

Hey, if you're reading this and you believe in what I'm saying, then go to this site and read their article then let the world know that you don't like scallywags either.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

I wasn't tagged but...

The questions are a lot of fun. I got this from this site.

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
Are you kidding? I can't remember that far back!

2. How much cash do you have on you?
zilch, zippo, nada, nuttin

3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?

4. Do you label yourself?
Yeah, I take the company labeler and stick stickies on me all day.

5. Bright or Dark Room?
Dark. Very dark.

6. Why is there always a missing question?
I don't know, you tell me.

7. What does your watch look like?
I don't wear a watch because I don't want to be reminded of the time. I used to have a black Gucci with a diamond that my old sweetie gave me.

8. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Working. What else?

9. Where is your nearest 7-11?
Probably Colorado. LOL I have no clue because there are no 7-11's where I am. Bummer, too.

10. What’s a word that you say a lot?
Shut up, I'm trying to work. j/k. I need some coffee. I don't have one word.

11. Who told you he/she loved you last?
My son.

12. Last furry thing you touched?
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. OMG My cat.

13. How many rolls of film do you need developed?
Sorry, I'm all digital.

14. Favorite age you have been so far?
22, before I got married. LOL

15. Your worst enemy?
The Snow

16. What is your current desktop picture?
Robert Smith of The Cure with the aurora as the background.

I tag TAMI!

Would you like a little cream with your meth?

You know, some companies just go too far. This company claims there is no meth in their coffee, which is a good thing, yet they named it Meth Coffee. I think that's really immature and wrong. We're trying to get people off the stuff. There are so many people destroying their lives on it and this company has to go out there and promote it. Sick. Sick. Sick.

Is it coffee or is it meth? Find out here.

Just Gamble the Night Away at PartyCasino

No longer will you need to travel on a bus to visit a nearby casino. Party Casino has a lot of fun games and super-fast cash outs. You're not just limited to poker, either. There is bingo, sports, racing, and a lot of other fun games. Just be sure to play responsibly because you don't want me snarking you in the news tomorrow ;-)

It Pays to Lose Weight When You're a Crook

Kenneth Ellingson, a 37 year old man who weight 280 pounds, was found in a cooling duct. It looks like he was trying to crawl through for unknown reasons, but because of the cut phone lines and interrupted power system, he was probably trying to rob the place.

The owner called the police after noticing the problems with the power and the police found the man.

Thank goodness the owner wasn't closed for a week or the poor guy would have had a stench!

280 pounds in the duct.

This Valentine's Day Give Her Something Forever

I know a lot of the men out there reading this blog have a sweetheart just waiting for that box of candy. But guys, I can tell you there is nothing better than giving diamonds as Valentine’s Day gifts. If you’re looking for the perfect place to shop then is the place to be.

From simple to elegant, they can handle that special situation. If you’re just telling her that you love her, a beautiful bracelet can express the feeling in so many ways. If you’re on your knee and ready to ask her to marry you, then why not use the 3-stone approach to sweep her off her feet? It’s a gift that will last a lifetime.

Friday, January 05, 2007

More Rambo Stories: These Guys Catch a Falling Baby

A baby falls from the 4th story of a building and two men catch the little boy in their arms. Awwww...more heroes tonight!

Frozen Cats and a Dog Named Snowy

Mmm...yum. I wonder if he keeps frozen dinners with his frozen animals. He's suing the police for $1.5 MILLION dollars because they destroyed his frozen animals that had sentimental value. EEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!

Instead of freezing your cats, you could give them frozen dinners:

Raw Advantage Special Care for Cats 8 oz.

Raw Advantage Special Care for Cats 8 oz.

"A raw food diet made with raw meat, organic vegetables, and organic herbs that can help an animal fight off degenerative diseases."

Woman's Bra Stops Bullet

It's almost like Wonder Woman with the gold bands except it's a gold bra strap that stopped the bullet. Golden bullet stopping bra

I don't know if this is what she was wearing, but it looks fun to wear ;-)

Gold or Silver Bra

BlogStory Snark the News

Let’s write a blog story. Here’s how it works. I start with the first word below. Then you take that word and add another one and post it to a blog entry on your blog with these instructions. Then add the link to your part of the story to another person’s blog comment area like I did with the link to your blog added to the list. Anyone can end a sentence, but whoever does must start the next sentence with the next word. Please keep it family friendly. My start is so original! LOL Keep the story called BlogStory YOUR NAME - so we can track it through Technorati and/or Google.

Start of story:


End of Story

Story participants:

Check out this song...

There was an old farmer who lived by a rock,
he sat in the meadow 'a shaking his-
fist at some boys who were down by the crick,
their feet in the water their hands on their-
marbles and playthings in them days of yore.
there came a young lady she looked like a-
pretty young creature she sat on the grass,
she pulled up her dress and showed us her-
ruffles and laces and white puffy duck,
she said she was learning a new way to-
bring up her children and learn them to knit,
while the boys in the barnyard were shoveling-
refuse and litter from yesterday's hunt,
while the girl in the meadow was rubbing her-
eyes at the fellow as girls sometimes do,
to make it quite clear that she wanted to-
go for a nice pleasant stroll on the grass,
then hurry back home for a nice piece of-
ice cream and cake that stood three layers tall,
and after dessert she was ready to-
go for another walk down by the dock,
with any young man with a sizable-
roll of one hundreds and a big bulge up front,
if he'd ask politely she'd show him her-
little pet dog who was subject to fits,
and maybe she'd let him grab hold of her-
small tender hands with a movement so quick,
that she'd bend on over and suck on his-
soda so sweetly til she finished it,
then pull down her panties and rub on her-
hip that she bruised when she ran down the halls,
cause he tried to force her to lick on his-
candy so tasty made of butterscotch,
and then he spread whipped cream all over her-
cookies that she had been baking all night,
If you think this is dirty, you're f***ing well right!!!


Hollywood Snark - Don't Forget the SNL Goof

Nah, anyone can have a bathing suit accident. My friend came up from the water and her top disappeared. It can happen to anyone. I remember watching Saturday Night Live when Ashlee Simpson walked off the stage because she messed up her lip sync. Don't forget about that one! I think I laughed all night.

Hollywood Snark Snarks on Ashlee Simpson Nipple Shot

Is Britney Writing for Forgivness or

If she's writing for understanding or forgiveness then she better use some white out because it doesn't work. Britney wants to tell us that the media has exaggerated her behavior. Huh? Pictures and actions mean a lot, dear, and when you're in the spotlight then tag, you're it!

Mothers want their daughters to listen to responsible singers and want their sons to look up to nice girls, not floozies.

Britney's letter here.

Hey David Caruso - Has This Guy Stolen Your Pants Yet?

These scumbags are going around demanding that people remove their pants, taking the pants, and driving off. One guy was even shot, and thank God he didn't die.

What if the people aren't wearing any underwear?

Hey David Caruso - Why Aren't You Investigating the Pants Bandit?

I cast thy demon out of the...soap star?

Okay, so they sleep with all their co-workers and backstab everyone on set, but it's all an act!

Cast thy demons from ye!

Texas Cheerleaders Get Naughty Kicks

Just because you're popular doesn't mean you can act like a sleezebag.

Is it beer leader, fear leader, or cheerleader?

Would You Like a Head or Tail With Your Beans?

Preschoolers at the Oakridge Preschool got a second helping of protein served in their beans recently. A worker found mouse remains in the green beans. No one has been sick yet.

Ewww-click here

Woman Gets Settlement for Drunk Husband's Disappearance

This is a sad story. On the cruise of their honeymoon, George Allen Smith disappeared from Jennifer Hagel Smith's life while vacationing on a Royal Caribbean Cruise ship. He was drunk and might have fallen overboard, no one knows.

Now, to me this is a case of responsibility. Yes, the cruise line should assume that when someone is that drunk then the person could possibly fall overboard. Yes, the cruise line should somehow protect their patrons better. BUT WHAT HAPPENED TO PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY? He knew he was getting too drunk and she probably knew he was getting too drunk. Shouldn't they have something to blame here, too?

I wasn't at the trial or on the cruise so I have no idea really who to blame, but getting plastered while on a cruise ship is probably a very bozolio thing to do. Unless, of course, this was some well planned out hoax scheme where he hid on a raft and is now enjoying all that money. Hmmm...sounds like a tv movie script. I think I'll go write it. Just kidding.

Get drunk on a cruise and fall overboard.

Now This Just Peeves Me - Unemployment

Okay, this article couldn't come at a nastier time for me. I was more than a little annoyed today to find out that my unemployment benefits ended a month earlier than I expected and even thought I'm very experienced at what I do and I've searched for quite some time that I haven't found a job yet.

Then I read this article. Grumble, grumble, grumble. Now, I'm all for paying the executives what they're worth so please don't misunderstand this a complaint for how much executives make. Most earn what they do because their jobs are difficult and they need to look a certain way to do business. Yes, it's a fact of life so get over it.

Seeing that I'm unemployed and am having a hard time paying all my bills AND I have three children to take care of with little help at all from my ex because he was recently laid off doesn't make me go giddy over this article.

How do I feel about him retiring with all that money? Well, that's up to the company. If they can afford to lose the money then its their problem. I think companies that can afford a salary like that should be a little more honest with themselves and pay the others better, but people have to also understand that breaking hundreds of thousands of dollars does not go a long way when you break it down for thousands of people.

If my company ever got that big would I pay my executives a lot of money? You bet! I don't think it would be as much as this guy received, but I like to reward people with incentives to do a good job. I would never promise the world up front because you just can't do that. I can tell them what I'd like to do and how much value they are to me, but I can't just go giving money away.

If they had to let him go, which seems to be the case, then why did he get severance? I'm sure it's because they have to match the same rules as the other employees, but I hope next time they put a cap on the level of severance.

Well, I'm just annoyed by the whole thing because I'm broke, scraping, and looking (pssst - buy some books--most of it goes to authors and staff, but I do get a wee bit). I believe in free enterprise and people should be paid what they're worth. Obviously he wasn't worth that much.

Student Claims He Failed Because of Lacrosse Team

Well, well, well, if people won't sue for just about anything. This guy gets an F in class and claims he's a C average student instead of F average. What does he do? He sues Duke University because he feels he was discriminated against because of the whole rape trial which he was not a part of.

His parents wanted his grade changed to a P for passing and $60,000. Let's see, I'm sure his tuition wasn't sixty-grand and I'm sure he wouldn't have made $60K at his first job so what the heck?

He was a C student but it probably didn't have the exam dates before he left so it's possible the D or F might be valid if he didn't do well on the exam. Duke changed his grade to a D and claimed an error in the system, but I think they're both doing a little game here.

Why did he have to sue? There's a process to follow before you go begging for money. Did he follow it?

Is his F worth $60,000?

Sly - I Hope Those Who Helped Your Movie Were Legal

As much as I like Sylvester Stallone I just have to comment on this. I sure hope the immigrants who helped him with his movie were legal. The fence is supposed to stop illegal immigrants, not legal ones.

Sly's Defiance on the Fence Here

Microsoft Backed Planes? Scary

Okay, I wouldn't get on one of these if my life depended on it. The owner worked at Microsoft and it's funded by Bill Gates? Yeah, look at windows - built by Microsoft and funded by Bill Gates. If that plane is as insecure as the Windows operating system then I feel real sorry for the people in it.

Scary Microsoft plane here.

Trump's Double-Standard - A PlayBoy Cover?

Wait a minute here. A beauty queen was canned because of her naughty pictures. Now the new beauty queen, Tara Conner, who was de-throned for other reasons then re-throned is going to be on the cover of Playboy?

Isn't that a little strange?

Even more strange - she was making out with Miss Teen USA Katie Blair? What is this? One big happy Miss USA orgy? I didn't realize these stories were so related.

The Beauty Queen Double-Standard

The news about Katie Blair.

What is Bozolio?

It's a word my son and I made up. I know use it to describe people who do really stupid things. You know, as in BOZO.

So, if you ever hear the term you know who said it first on the Internet. GEEKMOM at Snark the News did.

Bozolio - Burglar Boozes Out on the Job

This alleged burglar took broke into a home and decided to have a drink. He then passed out on the floor. Okay, so the article isn't as good as it sounds. I thought we were going to have some staggering bozolio who drank a case and then passed out. This guy just might have been homeless and that's not as fun.

Get boozed out on crime here.

Heya, Lighta Mia Cannoli

Sigh, now prison guards are drug running scumbags. Rocco Bove, a probably former jail guard in Westbury, tried to smuggle pot and rolling papers inside a cannoli. It gives a new name to the delicious Italian pastry!

Get a hit off the cannoli here.

Don't Bring Flour-Filled Condoms on Airplanes!

Oh, I just had to laugh. This is something Snark the News was made for . Janet H. Lee made some flour-filled condoms so she could show her friends what the students used as stress squeeze toys during exams. What she didn't know is that scummy drug dealers use these to transport drugs. So, she was busted for flour-filled condoms and later settled with the city for $180,000.

I guess condoms aren't just used for sex.

Who would have ever thought!

Get a feel for the flour-filled condoms here!

Store Manager Becomes Rambo

This is something I would have loved to see on TV. Two creeps stole a DVD system from the auto parts store where Darrin Malsack worked. This guy held on to the roof of the car with one hand while it was traveling at 50 MPH and dialed 911 with the other.

If had any money I'd fly out to West Allis, WI and buy this guy dinner. Wait, Wisconsin? Where in the world is West Allis? It can't be too far from here.

Rambo Store Manager Here!

Superior Two-Faced Calf

A calf with two faces was born in Virgina last month. It was created by the so-called superior artificial insemination. Now someone explain how that is supposed to make a superior calf? Because the cow is not stressed? Come on now...

Click on image to see image location/source.

Anyone can create a two-faced image with a Macintosh--

The two-faced calf is here!

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Teri Garr Has Brain Surgery

Unfortunately this isn't a funny skit or anything. One of my favorite comedians suffered a brain aneurysm. Fortunately Teri Garr seems to be doing great considering how tragic the event can be.

I Think This Police Department Needs Special Education!

Good grief! This poor girl in a special education class wet herself because of a fear of the principal Kevin Duckwork. She was charged for it?! SHE WET HER PANTS. She didn't pee on the guy for goodness sakes. She didn't shoot him. She's not a guy and can't very well aim it. That is not a crime, and especially for a special education student. I usually have a huge amount of respect for police, but this police chief really doesn't have my vote.

I'd really like Eric Gill, the police chief, to post here and tell me why this girl needed to be charged. Possibly even the principal.

Maybe there's a good reason why she's so scared of the principal that she had to wet herself. Has anyone EVER thought of that? Perhaps it's the principal who needs a good looking into.

Forcing Cabbies to port People with Drugs?

Well that doesn't make sense at all. The airport wants to force cab drivers who have religious problems about drugs and alcohol to drive people carrying or using drugs or alcohol. Huh? Maybe if the airport owns the cabs, but if the cab driver owns the car and doesn't want to drive someone then the cab driver doesn't have to drive someone. It's the cab driver's loss (or gain). Would you want to get a ticket with someone carrying drugs? I didn't think so.

Now, if the airport owns the cabs the hasta la vista cab driver, go find another job.

Are we going to start being politically correct with drug addicts and alcoholics now?

Vista Users - Get used to it!

This is SO microsoft. If you're buying Vista, you better get used to these kinds of things.

Test this link...

Test this link and see if it works in the name of science. Go ahead, click on it.

yrese Gibson Accused of Punching Pregant Girlfriend

He's accused of punching his pregnant girlfriend in the stomach. Well, I hope you realized that not only did he punch her, but he punched the baby too. Geez, if it's true then it would make him not only a woman beater, but a child abuser. Of course, most of the women don't consider that a baby yet so he'd probably get away with it.

Yeah - Fell Asleep While Scavaging for Bottles

Has this guy been hanging around with Britney Spears or something? He fell asleep in the back of a garbage truck and used his cell phone to call for help when it started making the compacting noise or whatever it does.

Bleeding from Bed Bugs?

That is absolutely gross! When I first read the title I thought it was one of the HBO Sopranos, but this is an opera singer. She was bit by bed bugs and it was so bad that you could see the bites and the blood. Geesh, did they like her perfume or something?

Oily Criminal Slips Out of Jail

I have so many misguided and indecent comments about this one that I should just keep my mouth shut at this point. This guy stripped naked, covered himself in oil, then slipped through the bars. Okay, he must have been really, really skinny and I wonder if his roommates enjoyed the show?

UCO - Unidentified Crashing Object

A metal object the size of a golf ball and weighing as much as a can of soup crashed through the roof. Some think it's a meteor, but I think someone was playing with that outlawed cannon toy we were discussing the other day! Wouldn't that be odd?

Burglar Beat With a Shoe Horn by an Elderly Man

An elderly man stopped a creep criminal by beating him with a shoe horn. I love it. Use what you can wherever you are - kind of like the Ninja approach. Another creep stopped in his tracks!

From Voting to Drugs - Use the farm animals

It looks like this woman used the names of her dogs to buy drugs. Poor misused puppies. People will do anything to get drugs.

Dieters Create Subway Delays

After watching "The Devil Wears Prada" I got a kick out of this one. It seems that the people in New York are passing out due to not eating.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

$30 Million Dollars for Noisy Neighbors

Dr Burton Sultan claimed that Sean Connery was a noisy neighbor and tried to sue him for a big thirty million dollars. Woah. $30,000,000 for a noisy neighbor? What, did he try to operate from his home and botch it up or is this just an over pricey apartment and he feels he couldn't get any sleep.

So I have a noisy road in front of my house, can I try to sue the city for a big $30,000,000?

He called Connery a "rude, foul-mouthed, fat old man". I don't know about the rude and foul-mouthed, but I wouldn't mind a "fat old man" who looked like that and had such a sexy voice living in my neighborhood.

Good grief. People just try to make a buck anywhere.

At a First Glance it Looks Like Mom and Son

Seriously. If I went to the party or wherever these two are sitting I would have asked the woman why she was letting her sixteen year old son drink beer. What does she see in this guy? I guess love is blind--and deaf.

Supposedly they're breaking up. Who knows. Read it here.

Should Saddam Should Have Just Gone to Jail?

This man puts a twist on the argument for the hanging of Saddam Hussein. He talks about jailing a criminal in a foreign land vs. hanging. Unfortunately, a person like Hussein might get a lot of what he deserves in the first few months, and if he survived the initiation and hate from both the guards and the convicts, he would become some gross jail icon and collect a lot of followers. He would still be able to run any kind of skanky business while in jail and then there is always the possibility of getting out. At least in our jail system this is how it would work. I don't think it's an option for him.

I don't think a jail sentence would be appropriate. Read it here.

Congrats Baby Ferrell!

Now this is someone I have a really hard time snarking :-)

Will Ferrell and his wife, Viveca, just had a baby boy. Congrats!

Ashton and Demi Talk About Kids

Once these two have kids they can say they have all generations in their family. How many decades can you spot in family line?

Yeah, I'm trying to be nice and not say what I really mean here. I don't have a problem with age gaps, but Bruce Willis and then Ashton? Bruce is so handsome and manly and Ashton is just, well, he's cute but of more in a pretty-boy way.

Personally, I would have stuck with the man.

This Goes Way Further Than Fandom

This looks more like an Angelina Jolie fetish to me. Click here.

Long, Shaggy Hair - Teenage Kids

Wow, it's nice to know that my son isn't the only one with the long, shaggy hair look.

More Stupid Criminals - Donuts Fried by Chicken

For some reason this reminds me of skit on Saturday Night Live where the two women are fighting over whose Nativity scene is better. Maybe it was the word "Bronx"--who knows!

This Kentucky Fried Chicken, Kabeer Ahmad, owner was angry because the Twin Donut shop owner started selling chicken and made Kabeer's sales plunge. Um...Hello! This is the United States of America where competition is king. If you can't take the heat then get out of the fryer!

The Kentucky Fried Donut Fire Here.

Stupid Criminals: Cooking Meth

Here's another stupid criminal story. The police come to this guy's house and ask what he's doing. I guess he was either so high on meth that he just told them what he was doing or he realized there was no point in trying to hide it.

Drugs make you stupid - are you too stupid to quit? I made that phrase up for my kids to say as a joke. LOL Looks like it proved to be true!

Too Stupid to Quit Here.

Man Arrested for Mannequin Fetish

This guy could get life for breaking into homes so he could have his way with mannequins.

Obviously the man is sick. Jail isn't going to help him. He could be out doing something worse like having his way with people who don't want him to.

Maybe someone should just go buy him a closet full of women's clothes and a few plastic women. Or maybe he should be forced to work as a mannequin designer.

Horny Mannequin Man Here

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

They Say Cheese is Bad

And they banned it! How repulsive. Cheese is good for you. You've been feed this garbage about cheese and protein for years. Heck, I've been eating cheese for ever and losing weight. In fact, the tests that came back from the Dr. were better than ever when I increased the cheese intake and got rid of the pasta and corn syrup filled foods from the grocery story.

Think of all the protein and calcium missed because of some misunderstanding of fats.
Read about the cheese ban here.

Anything is Hackable

Please - anything is hackable. Some things such as Microsoft (enter OS version here) are more hackable than others.

See what's hackable now.

Britney Looks Ripped to Me

There's an argument over whether or not Britney was drunk on New Year's. Personally, I could care less unless she had her kids in the car or went home to be their caretaker, but obviously others do care so I'm reporting it here.

Is she sauced? She looks like it to me.

Saddam Fed Birds in Prison

SO WHAT! He treated the animals better than the Kurds and people who went against him. It's because he thought of the Kurds beneath the animals. Just because someone is nice and gives a scrap of bread to a bird doesn't mean he's a nice person.

Is this your only argument for the man? Then it's really sad.

Oh, and btw, the weapons inspectors didn't find anything because the items were reported MISSING so technically he didn't lie to you about the missing items.

How gullible are people anyway?

Saddam fed birds in prison. How quaint.


Of course this is what the Democrats want! Everyone in DC is Democrat. Frightening. Are they going to make DC a state now? HELLO!


Microsoft and Ford = Must Fix or Repair Daily

This gives a new meaning to the acronym Fix or Repair Daily. (F.O.R.D). Oooh - better yet - M.F.O.R.D MUST FIX OR REPAIR DAILY. or microsoft-ford.

F.O.R.D here

One BIG Problem With Celebrity Adoptions

Celebrities like Madonna want to be left alone by groups of people unless they use the old fashioned "let's call the paparazzi and let them know where we are" trick to get attention. Did Madonna leave the father of her adopted baby a phone number or address? I have no clue because I wasn't there, but he doesn't know how to find out how his son is doing.

It's obvious the child will ask where his real parents are because he's very different than the fair-skinned music diva, but what will happen? Will she willingly give the information to the father? Will she give the information to her child when its time or will she live in fear that someone will just try and use the child as bait for something?

It's sad either way.

Maybe the celebs grabbing these kids from their parents should think of the child first instead of their own publicity.

Madonna is asked - how is my son?

Jordan Can Be Civil, Why Can't the Others?

I guess a livestock farm is stinking up the border between Israel and Jordan. Now, here is a country that is predominately Muslim that resides next to Israel. As far as I know, they seem to have shaken hands and agreed upon some things. Why can't these other countries just realize that Israel is there to stay and there is really nothing they can do about it. Can't these others just put their prejudice aside and figure it out instead of bombing everything and everyone they see? If any other of the surrounding countries had an issue, they'd probably send some wacko bomber in there to kill the innocent livestock instead of discussing it rationally.

This might actually make a good political cartoon.

The Stench of Livestock Invades a Kingdom here.

Of Course the Government Will Not Investigate This

There was a possible UFO sighting at O'Hare, but the government will not investigate.

Didn't you watch the X-Files? "The Truth is Out There" is a great motto. The day the government openly investigates a UFO sighting will be the day one actually lands here and little green men pop out and say hi. It will only be then we learn the government takes an active role in investigating credible sightings.

Heck, look at the Phoenix Lights. NOTHING ever happened.

So, potential ideas and consipiracies:

  • UFO's could actually be extra terrestrial and they don't want to cause panic.
  • They already know about these things and don't care.
  • They do care because they have been speaking with extra terrestrials all along.
  • The lights really are just space mysteries and not sentient at all.

Who knows! I guess we never will.

UFO Sightings Here.

Monday, January 01, 2007

Microsoft giving away Vista on laptops. I need a doorstop!

Oh please Microsoft, send me one of your laptops because I need a doorstop. Or better yet, I need a brick for my son's skateboard ramp.

Microsoft gave away free laptops.

Interesting Place to Visit - The Ice Hotel

I'd love to visit this place just to see how it is. The prices aren't too bad considering it's an attraction--it's a little out of my price range at the moment and I'd have to travel to get there, but it sounds really interesting.

Ah, to travel. Maybe when the kids are all grown up I'll become a traveling reviewer.

Visit the Ice Hotel here.

They Were Happy to See Him Go - Hussein

It seems this guy was dancing a jig when Hussein was executed. And Saddam said his people loved him....

How Do You Lose a Jet?

This company has lost TWO? Um...Houston--I think there's a problem here. Perhaps the Indonesian government should be looking closer into this company?

Plane goes poof!

Darrent Williams Killed in Drive-By

Don't losers have anything better to do than go around shooting people in cars? I hope they nail these people. Seriously, let's take a look at their lives. How pathetic is a person who goes around shooting other people from a car. Let's see, they're too chicken to do it in front of others so they drive away. They're obviously doing something wrong, immoral, and illegal so they drive away. How brave is that? Not at all.

How cool is it to be stupid? How cool is it to kill others? Not cool at all. The level of intelligence of these criminals is really low.

If you're so "cool" then go downtown in front of a police officer and try it. Maybe your buddies will respect you more because you have some cojones and you'll be in jail where you belong then you can get all the glory you want and be a friend of Bubba.

My favorite bumper sticker: Gangs Make You Stupid Are You Too Stupid To Quit?

Drive-by shootings.

Heather Mills-McCartney Locked Out at Christmas?

It's really none of my business. LOL I have no comment on this one, but the title looks good. I think it's sad that Paul McCartney is lonely since the breakup. The poor guy lost his first wife to cancer and they were married forever, what do you expect?

Heather Mills-McCartney locked out at Christmas.

UFO Spotted over Swindon

I like to report these sightings because it's fun. I remember back in the 1990s Phoenix, AZ had a huge sighting of something and no one ever came back to claim what it was. The story just vanished. I'll have to dig up the video and post it as a backstory.

UFO spotted over Swindon.

Geez, Take it All Heather

Good grief, this woman doesn't ask for much does she? Heather Mills-McCartney wants more than just alimony. It's absurd, isn't it? I mean, I get like $10.00 per kid and nothing for myself and that's out of force. I'm not a great Beatles fan, but I didn't see Heather writing any of the music or singing. What does she do for a living? Give Paul McCartney a break, would you? Perhaps he should sue her for something.

See Heather's greedy list here.

Can't Britney Stay Single and Focus on Her Kids?

Obviously not. Britney Spears seems to have a new fling. What's wrong with this guy anyway? It's Arizona Cardinal quarterback Matt Leinart and he seems to like loose, blonde women because it's the ex of Paris Hilton. I wonder if he hit it up with the other blonde as well?

Britney's new fling here.